28 Months Today

Dear Micaela,

Since I was only a few weeks pregnant with you, I have tried to find ways to capture memories for you in the future. I have letters written to you, pictures taken, videos, etc. But lately I've been watching you and find myself thinking about how amazing you are, and how none of the letters or pictures or videos are ever going to show you how much I loved you, and continue to love you, every day. I can show you pictures of you opening Christmas presents, but no picture is going to show you the joy that filled my heart when you whispered "It's Kissmas!" as we made our way downstairs to see what Santa left. I can't aptly record the way that Daddy and I laughed when you spent ten minutes the other morning pretending that you couldn't get up, and falling back down every time we pulled you up. I can't tell you how cute you were every time you asked someone if they wanted to see your tree, or when you explained "I made dat tree". I can't explain how incredibly sad and cute it was yesterday when I went to check the fire and you cried saying "I didn't know where you were. I looked in the bedroom, but you weren't there. It's ok, mommy, I was just scared".

I know that when you are older, I can share my memories with you. But I just want you to know that having you, watching you grow, has been the best gift I have ever been given (equally paired with the child I am now carrying, of course).

You have made life for Dad and I way more fulfilling than we could have asked...

Happy 28 months, beautiful girl.

Mom.

Besties

I'm getting the hang of the wood furnace. This being said, I'm still a little slow. That's why, the other morning, when I woke up to a house filled with icicles and frozen furniture, I thought for sure Micaela was going to lose it. I went upstairs, wrapped her in a blanket, and carried her into the basement to have her sit and watch me awkwardly try to start a fire with a lighter that didn't work, some looseleaf, and one measly piece of kindling. I thought she'd be annoyed but she sat pleasantly watching. "Mommy?", she says quietly. "Yes?" I respond, expecting her to tell me she's hungry. "You're my best friend, right?". I melted... And not because of my dinky little fire.

A comment on my Dora post.

So, a few days ago, I mentioned Micaela being targeted by advertisers, and how it's only going to get worse. But I was thinking as a pre-teen/early teenager. I expect that.

Today, in my primary class, one little girl said "it's Miley Cyrus' birthday". (I googled- it was 2 days ago).

Another child then mentions to a third "she has a new album out"... and the third replies "Uh, I know! I have it!".

They're 5.

I'm not liking this glimpse into my future....

(PS: I googled and didn't find a new album, but I don't think this makes my fears any less valid).

Blast from the (not so distant) past

Micaela and I were looking at a few of her baby pictures today, and I thought I should share a couple.

Hard to believe she was ever this small. Even harder to believe that in 6 months, we'll have a new little one...




But pictures like this remind me of all the smiles they bring at this age. (I am ignoring the voices reminding me of the no sleep, spit-up, the feeling that I am nothing more than a milk cow... I'll get back to those another day).

Oh baby Micaela- you're growing too old! I can't believe you're going to be a big sister!

What to do about Dora.

Yesterday we went to the grocery store. Aside from some "Bear Paws" which she later traded for "Mini Wheats", Micaela asked for three things: gummy candies, spaghetti in a can, and band-aids- all of which had a picture of Dora on the front.

A few minutes ago, Micaela asked if she could watch Dora "on the 'puter". When I replied that I was busy using the computer, she said "I just want to watch Dora and I am happy". Since this 2-year-old form of bribery didn`t work, she has been lying on the couch beside me, crying that she wants to watch Dora and that she is SAD.

Now- I love my daughter more than words can tell, and, truth be told, I don't mind her watching Dora. She doesn't whine like Caillou, she makes a hell of a lot more sense than whatever is going on on "In the Night Garden", and she teaches a some Spanish words to boot.

But this can't be healthy.

When it was Elmo, it wasn't so bad because she was just really excited to see him when he appeared, but now she's gotten smart- and she knows where Dora can be found, and it's obvious that she's being targeted by advertisers- Micaela has NEVER eaten canned spaghetti.

And this is only the beginning.

Next it will be Bratz, or whatever other doll comes along of the same sort, then the newest Hannah Montana, and then Justin Bieber... well, probably not Justin Bieber- in 11 years he'll be old news.... but you get the idea.

Oh, what do I do?

Heartwarming.

A few days ago, I asked Micaela what she wanted for Christmas.
Her response? "Daddy and Mommy.... And Caroline and Ryan".

Nothing like a two-year old reminding you of the true meaning of Christmas :)

Monkey see, Monkey do. Monkey hear, monkey tell :)

For some reason, I forget how smart Micaela is sometimes... It's not that I don't think she puts things together, it's just that I think she'll forget stuff.
She doesn't- in case you were wondering.

On a daily basis, Micaela's babysitter writes me a short letter telling me how long she napped, what she ate, and whether or not she pooped.
The other day was like all others. I opened up the scribbler to read her letter.

After some information on what Micaela ate, the letter stated:
"Micaela only slept an hour- Simon is sick, coughing and sneezing. Micaela told me she thinks he has a baby in his belly !!??? :)"

My two year old let the cat out of the bag.

A Halloween Conundrum.

Baby Lo and I hit the 11 week mark on Friday, which, of course, is no real mark at all considering it was 12 weeks I was aiming for before letting our status become public knowledge. But then yesterday, at work, I threw up about 12 times in the first half of my shift- so needless to say- most people there know :) S0- I think we can go ahead and tell.

Actually, aside from yesterday, and the constant taste of rusty tin can in my mouth, I haven't been feeling TOOOO awful. I'm still sick and whiny, and today I mostly just want to crawl under a bed and stay there, but all in all, I think the morning sickness is subsiding. Or maybe the Diclectin just works most days. I don't know.

And today is Halloween. Mom bought Micaela a super cute pirate costume, and we got her some accessories, so I think she's going to look pretty cute. The only thing that concerns me is that people will think she is a boy, because well, people ALWAYS think she is a boy. Even when she's dressed in pink. And this costume is a bit masculine.

Maybe I'll put some blush and lipstick on her? I mean, it IS halloween... so make-up is allowed right? Is that child cruelty?

Stay tuned for pictures.

"Mommy sick- Mommy spitting out. Cuz there's a baby in her belly"

(Looks in my belly button)

"I can't see in"

Another doctor appt.

I had a regular doctor checkup on Thursday. Gained 1 lb. Pure icecream :) She told me I can play around with my prescription to what suits MY nausea... Yay! Then she asks "So, how many kids are you going to HAVE, Ann?" (Large hint of disdain). Don't get me wrong- I understand that for some people this is just a simple question- how many would you like to have? Oh 1.5 and a white picket fence. That would be fine. This is NOT how she asks this- she's acting like I'm the lady from 19 kids and counting- THIS IS MY 2ND CHILD! I still have enough arms for them all!! I'm not Octomom- as far as I know, I'm not having sextuplets. Why are you being so snotty!!!!????? Argh.

Am I That Old?

A month or two ago, a new kid started working at Tim Horton's and I was training him, so we got chatting about music. So, of course, I ask him what kind of music he is into- he says "well, I like a lot of really obscure music- you probably don't know it". Intrigued, I say "try me". His response? "Well, have you ever heard of Nirvana?"

So, Ok. It's ok- he's 15- I'm 26- there's a huge age gap. This is fine. I am from a different generation- I grew up in the 90s. I chuckle and tell him that yes, I have heard of Nirvana, and well, I'm cool.

Another day, a few weeks later, I am at work, again, and I am humming a song. I think it may have been In Bloom, but it may have been a Pearl Jam song- I can't remember. Anyway- another person I work with looks at me and says "you must have rock band".

"Nope".

"Yeah right- like you would know that song otherwise".


Ok- whatever... again, I get it- they're young.

But then- a few nights ago- we are in a circle in drama class and we are playing this alphabet game, saying a sentence about music starting with the next letter in the alphabet, the girl with N says "Nirvana is the name of a band, I think... not that I know any of their songs, but I think that's the name".

Really?
This is my classmate.
I was only out of school for a couple years.
How did this happen?
How?

The World of 2 Year Olds.

The thing that we sometimes don't realize about 2 year olds is that they are learning about the world as they see it, and they don't always see it the same as we do.

For example, Micaela explained to me today " is cod out and the sun is seeping. the couds are seeping too. The sun flew away but when it wakes up its bewy bewy big. but is dark out now. its dark outside the window".

She rarely sees night time. The sun, at least during the summer, is still out when she goes to bed. But tonight, she stayed up late so she and daddy could come get me from school at 8pm. She's adapting her schema of the world to include nighttime. I thought this was pretty good.

The other day, we arrived home and she said "it's micaeya's house!". We replied, yes, it's mommys and daddy's house too.

This morning, upon arrival home, she proclaimed to Liam "Daddy. it's micaeya's house- it's yee-ums house too- but it's micaeya's house!"

I don't know if you noticed, but all of her Ls sound like Ys.

2 years old children are amazing. I can't believe I am so lucky as to see the world from her eyes.

A little old- but cute.

I heard Micaela in the kitchen one day, in Upper South River. She was quietly talking to herself. I wondered what she was doing so I went into the kitchen and this is what I found. My child is destined to be a geek.

Sometimes Tuesdays don't go my way.

I planned on writing this on Tuesday but I was a little occupied.

I had my schedule road test on Tuesday morning at 9. But- a few days before, my exhaust on the car fell down (and dragged along the road until we tied it up with towing rope), and we couldn't get it in to fix it before my test. So I called mom to see if her car was in good enough shape to drive for my test (ie signal lights working, nothing falling off, etc.) She said yes, and we were all systems go again. So, I arrive to take her car Tuesday morning, 10 minutes before the test, and she doesn't know where her up-to-date insurance card is, although she is sure she had it somewhere.

Ok, no problem, I will drive my car with the exhaust falling off, and explain the situation to the tester, and make a new appointment if necessary. So, she overlooks our faxed insurance- because we couldn't get the actual card in time from the company, and then goes to look at the car. She laughs but says, "you do what you have to do", and tells me to get in the car to start the test.

Arms signals- check. Signal lights- check. Brake lights- .... Brake lights? Yep- one of them is not working.

So- no test. Now I have to make a new appointment. but, at least she let me keep the original receipt so I don't have to pay again :)

To top it all off- I spent the rest of the day being the most sick I have been so far- couldn't get off the couch the rest of the day except to run to the washroom....

Oh the joys...

Names for Grandma

(Phone rings)

Micaela: Oh! PHONE!!!
(runs toward kitchen, trying to pass Nannie/Thelma on the way)

Thelma: (picks up phone) "Hello?"

Micaela: "It's ok, G-Mama got it"

The first baby convo

"Micaela, when you are a little bit older, and a little taller, mommy and daddy will give you a new baby. Would you like that?"

(Micaela nods)

"A real baby, just like Freddy or Rowan, but one that's your very own"

"Own baby" (points to self).... "This is MY toast".

(sigh)"Yes, Micaela, that's your toast"

Too good to be true

For the last week and 2 days, I've been knocking on wood. Nope, not sick yet. Maybe it'll stay that way. In fact, I have had a cold all week and still felt better than I did when I was first pregnant with Micaela. But, my hopes have been dashed. I didn't even make it to the 6 wk mark before getting sick :( For the record, I'm not drinking chocolate milk again.

Rules

Call me crazy, but I like to fall asleep with Micaela. I like to take her in bed with me. I like to fall asleep watching tv with her. I like to sing her 15 songs before bed, and then 3 more because she asks. I like to give her cookies before bed, and let her throw a tantrum and get her feelings out without getting in trouble.

Once in a while.

But every parent, and probably anyone who has ever spent any amount of time with a 2 year old, knows that "once in a while" just doesn't work. At least not at this age. If I sing her 15 songs, she'll want 26 tomorrow. If I let her eat cookies, she'll expect them tomorrow for breakfast. If I let her throw a tantrum, without a consequence, she'll learn that it's acceptable behavior and she'll throw them everyday.


But at one o'clock this morning, when my little girl was crying and coughing like mad, I jumped at the chance to scoop her up and take her in bed with me to cuddle for the rest of the night.

There are no rules when she's sick.

I dislike runny noses.

Micaela has a cold.
She has been rubbing her germy fingers all over me, all day long.

I will undoubtedly have a cold tomorrow.

But, on the cuter side, she sneezes and then says "God bless you".

I hope the next baby is just as cute. I don't want cuter or less cute because I don't want to favor one over the other, and I definitely don't want cuter because cuteness makes it incredibly difficult to not laugh when they are doing something they aren't supposed to be doing, and I have enough trouble with this issue with Micaela.

Speaking of baby "lo" #2 (LO:'Little One', 'Liam and Onj', or 'it' in Spanish) , I had my first doctor appointment yesterday. When I told the doctor I was pregnant, she asked me how old I am, shook her head slightly, and said 'Oh, Ann'. (I can sort of understand shortening the name Andrea, but she shortens Liam to Lee- not really necessary). Anyway, I'm not sure what her little head shake/ sigh thing was all about, but last I checked, Liam and I were the ones who got to make the decision on whether or not "we" wanted to get pregnant, and it wasn't really anyone else's business to sigh about, least of all my doctor who gets paid a lot of money to weigh me, give me a due date that I could have (and did) just as easily calculated online and tell me to come back next month. Argh. People.

The due date, by the way, is May 20th. Graduation is May 1st.

Wearing a giant black moo-moo across the stage is going to make me look amazing. :)

A few little notes

I am on my way to drama class (I love re-living grade 10), but Geordie wanted to know about the car, so I thought I'd post a picture of my beautiful Nissan SENTRA. ;)

Getting it registered on Monday...

It's fancy, I know :)

May-B?

When we found out we were pregnant with Micaela (and by we, I mean I, but Liam gets included anyway), I won't say it was awful or miserable or sad, but it certainly was scary. Not that anyone is ever prepared for a baby, but man, were we ever not prepared! However, in the almost three years since we first saw those two little pink lines, our lives have changed dramatically, and we'd never go back. A few days ago, Liam and I got the PC game plants vs. zombies (addictive- stay away), and Micaela now no longer asks for Elmo. Instead, she "wanna watch sombies". She sits and points them out as they appear on the screen. She is two and obsessed with zombies. Great.
She also loves Old MacDonald had a Farm, which she simply calls "Donald" and washing dishes. (I promise to post a picture soon, cuz it's pretty cute).

So, my ramble has a point. The fact that we love her dearly (and we now know exactly what baby rearing is all about) is what made it all the more sweeter when we saw two more little pink lines this morning.

I know: Wait 3 months before telling people!!! Well, if you're reading this on this date, you're family. Keep it to yourselves for a couple months :)

Our guess is a May baby (may-b?), we'll know more once we see the doctor.

P.S. After saying how excited she was, mom said "You're a trooper". I guess that beats dad's "who made these biscuits?"

Monkey see, Monkey Do.

When Micaela wants to put on blush, I think it's cute. When she walks around in mommy's shoes, I laugh. When she repeats what I say, word for word, I think it's sweet (unless a less than favorable word slips out, but that's another topic for another day). But when she picks up her purse and says "Bye, See ya" and heads off for 'work', a little piece of my heart breaks. I don't want that to be how she sees me.

Don't get me wrong, I know she doesn't resent me for leaving, and I know that I have good reason to leave everyday, but it sure does tug on the heart strings.

Today her exact quote after "Bye, See Ya" was "I'm back, only have a few minutes".

Only 8 months 'til graduation.

The First Day of School

Fall is a bittersweet season.

One the one hand, I have to go back to school. I leave my darling daughter for hours at a time everyday- added to the hours I already leave her for my part-time job serving coffee. Then, when I do get home, I have schoolwork, I am tired, I have to make supper, do dishes, laundry, what-have-you and I'm not always the mom I want to be. That's hard to take some days. (Disclaimer: I AM working on my patience though you may not believe it if you have ever heard my very loud, very exasperated "MiCAYYYlahhhhh!"- with the emphasis on the H that is not even in her name).

On the other hand, although I still deal with my mommy guilt over the amount and quality of time I spend with Micaela, I get to be a better, more rounded person- and, I hope, mom. I see lots of other people, get to have new and different conversations, and, most importantly, I am working towards a degree that's going to benefit our family and soon I'll have an income, a real one, even if it's only a substitute teacher's income, and that makes me happy.

So feeling the dichotomy of the excited schoolkid and the mom dragging her feet, I went off to register today. Basically, I filled out all the forms that I filled out last year, got paper copies of the schedule that I already had been sent in my email, and listened to people say "welcome back".

Tomorrow is my first day of classes.

Tonight, my daughter is asleep, after being sung the "frog song" more times than I'd like to admit. ("Now we all know frogs go, la dee da dee da, la dee da dee da, la dee da dee da, but they don't go mmm mmm ahh"). My bed is made, my floors are swept, and I am ignoring the 2 baskets of laundry at the end of my bed. My husband will be done work in about an hour, and I am thinking of enjoying one relaxing glass of wine before the tornado that is the school-year actually starts.

Yes, it's bittersweet.

A "New" Car.

I feel like I have a pretty good life. I just married a man who, for 3 and a half years has been my lover, my friend, my confidante, my support, and for the last couple years, the wonderful father of our feisty 2 year old daughter. (Anyone with a two year old knows how difficult it can be to find an appropriate adjective for their toddler without sounding like a bad mother- I think feisty works). I joke about Micaela's "terribleness" but she's a wonderful little girl who certainly keeps us on our toes and I love being her mom.

This summer we bought our first home. It's a small, 3 bedroom home that's a 2 minute drive from the beach. It's 30 km out of town, mind you, but we love it.

I am in school, learning to be a teacher, and will have this second degree in 8 months.

Exhausting, yes, but it's all going to be very worth it.



So, like I said, I feel like I have a good life.

So, this week, when my husband brought me home a "new" car, I felt over the moon. Now, the reason I put new in quotations is this car is 13 years old. It's a '97 Nissan, but I love it just the same. The reason for this purchase is because (for the 4th time in my life) I wrote my learner's test the other day. But, my husband drives a standard, and that's just a little too much for me to try to learn right now, so he bought me a little automatic. Now, I just need to take my road test and I'll be able to legally drive my daughter to the babysitter's on the way to school.

I realize that most people do this as 16, and I missed the boat by about 10 years, but at least I'm getting on :)

I can do this.

I want to blog. I have wanted to for, well, years. So why haven't I? This is my never ending question. I can write, type, think. I am fully capable of using the internet- typing in web addresses, usernames, passwords. I have time- mostly time I am using to procrastinate doing one of the other million things I should be doing- but time nonetheless. But, I procrastinate and I think that I must lack certain confidences other people use to get by in life; I am a little bit shy. Mix these two together, and things take a very long time to get done. Blogging, as the current example, is something I thought I would enjoy. But, I have a fear of someone actually reading what I wrote and thinking it silly, pointless, unnecessary. Until one day, I see a relative's poetry blog. Just poems. Something clicks, and I realize I can do this.

Now, I am 26, I have a 23 month old daughter, am getting married this week, just bought our first home, starting my second and final year in my B. Ed. degree in September, and now, I can blog.

Maybe this confidence will continue and I can get my driver's license.