Day Two, Topic Two: Trying

A year or so ago, my lovely sister Jackie told me about a study she had read that determined that the most successful people were not those whose parents had praised them for being beautiful, nor those whose parents had praised them for being smart. They weren't the ones whose parents had not praised them either. Instead, in general, the most successful people were those whose parents praised them for trying.

I know nothing about the actual study, or whether or not it actually has any merit from a scientific standpoint, but from a mom's point of view, this actually made sense. We can tell our children how wonderful they are until we're blue in the face, but if they don't take pride in the attempts, even the ones that ultimately end in "failure", we could be setting them up to be afraid to try for fear of not being perfect.

On the other hand, parents who never praise their children are likely going to set their children up to think "why bother"...

But if we tell them how proud we are when they try, then the end result is only a bonus, it's the attempt that matters.

So, over the past year, as Micaela has transitioned from a 2 to a 3 year old, I have tried to keep this in mind. Obviously, there are times I comment on her beauty, her humor, or her intelligence, but when I do, I usually try to remember to comment on how hard she tries at the things she does.

Lately, I've noticed the effect this is making.

The first thing I noticed, a few months back, is that Micaela, who typically chooses a few favorite meals and snacks and sticks with them for what seems like forever, began to be willing to try foods. One day, I said something to the effect of "I won't put any peppers on your plate because I know you don't like them" to which she replied, "I will try them, Mama". And she did. She still didn't like them, but she gave it a shot. Meals have become immensely easier because she will try everything on her plate, and she usually finds that she likes more than she expected.

Another thing we've dealt with over the past year is whining. My LAND that child can whine! I have tried EVERYTHING to stop the madness! But a week or two ago, I hit the right button! Micaela came to me, whining about something in a voice that only dogs could hear and I responded "You walk back there, turn around, and try that again". And she did, she came back and the whining stopped. For some reason, asking her to try again changed her whole demeanor. I now use this tactic every time she whines and every time, she gets a fresh start and it sounds BEAUTIFUL!

I don't know about the future, or how exactly one measures success in life, but if being proud of her for trying is all I have to do to make her open to both success and failure, and allows her to be able to take risks without worrying she might not succeed, that's a pretty easy task on my part.

Day One, Topic One: Breastfeeding

Alright.

Obviously, as a parent, this topic comes up when you have a new baby. I realize it's been done. But here are my 2 cents.

When I was pregnant with Micaela, I spent countless hours scouring the internet for information about all things baby. I read all about attachment parenting, co-sleeping, cry-it-out, ferberizing, cloth diapers, how to make baby food, baby milestones, baby sign language, the list goes on and on. For everything baby, there are people arguing one side or another. Usually, both sides have their points. When it came to breastfeeding, however, it seemed to me that the obvious choice, for me, was to breastfeed. Exclusively.

And so I did.

Micaela was born with a cyst on her upper gums about the size of the tip of my pinky. She basically could NOT latch on one side. It hurt like hell. I cried every day. I cried every night. But we got the hang of it and, thankfully, the cyst slowly disappeared on it's own and by the time she was about 3 months it was completely gone.

But that wasn't the only struggle. I couldn't pump extra milk, and even the few ounces I did pump, she refused to take from a bottle, so if I were to leave her, it had to be for an hour or less for fear of her screaming and crying without being able to eat.

That SUCKED.

By the time she was 6 months, I was mentally exhausted. Then she started teething. So I knew I had to do something. We put in a little effort, shopped around for the right bottle, and finally, she had a bottle of formula. After a couple weeks, she was having formula during the day and nursing only at night.

At the time, I wasn't proud of my choice because I had wanted to nurse for the full year, but it was what I felt I really had to do.

It was only months and years later that I saw those early months in Micaela's life for what they were, particularly when I was pregnant with Georgia and began talking to nurses and doctors about my previous experiences. When I told one nurse about how I had felt in the first 6 months, and how much I had cried and how stressed I had been, she basically told me that I'd most likely had Post Partum Depression without having even realized it at the time. Now, I can't say I didn't know I was sad, but I always just thought it was the "baby blues" that might have lasted a little longer than normal.

Now, I'm not saying that did or didn't have anything to do with breastfeeding, but I do know that once I had a bit of freedom, I stopped being so sad and crying all the time.

So, with Georgia, it was my full intent not to go through the same thing. I still wanted to breastfeed, but I was going to pump, take supplements to get my milk supply up to be able to pump, and bottlefeed so I could get away once in a while.

I don't know if this plan, and introducing a bottle with breast milk early had anything to do with it or not, but I cried for about a minute the day we brought Georgia home, because of exhaustion and being overwhelmed, and whatnot, and that was it. Breastfeeding was easier, because the latch was better (although, it still hurt A LOT on the side it used to hurt with Micaela... maybe it was a mental thing?) and I was happy (AM happy).

Now, this time around, I pumped tonnes of milk, but then started having gallbladder attacks. In order to stop my spasm-ing gallbladder, I have had to take Buscopan, which can`t be taken while breastfeeding and also reduces your milk supply, so we ended up using our frozen milk supply quickly, and introducing formula much earlier than we`d anticipated. Also, not being on maternity leave, I went back to work a few weeks ago and Georgia usually needs a bottle before Liam puts her down for the night.

In short, rather than the 6 months of only mommy that Micaela wanted, Georgia has had a mixture since she was 2 months old, although only regularly in the last few weeks. I still breastfeed the whole day when I am home, and evenings when I don`t work, and through the night, but she gets more formula than I would`ve liked her to get.

But she seems happy and healthy. And I am trying not to feel bad about it because I am hopeful that the 75% breastfeeding (give or take, depending on the day) is going to last past the 6 months it lasted with Micaela.

So, my 2 cents that I started out to give...

It`s a hot topic, and people who breastfeed are often quick to judge those who don`t, and those who don`t sometimes don`t seem to see why others find it so important, and I honestly wish that I could be the person who exclusively breastfed both children until they were a year because I KNOW that would be best for them. But sometimes, what`s best for mom IS what`s best for baby, and whether it be for sanity, as with Micaela, or for pain relief, as with Georgia, sometimes it doesn`t exactly work as planned.

But that`s ok too. I think.

PS: The mall in town now has a breastfeeding room, which Georgia and I took advantage of the other day and it was so awesome to have a private area, a comfy chair, etc...

Also, mom only breastfed us until we were each 6 weeks old she said, and my siblings are some of the smartest people I know, so.... ;)

Triumph!

Ok, two things.

First things first, since Jackie got on my case about not blogging about it, I got my driver's license!!

And yes, I now feel a little silly for taking this long to do it.

Ok, I always felt a little silly, but it seriously has made life sooo much less complicated!! So, I guess I feel more than silly. Ridiculous. Oh well :)

I also got a new copy of my marriage certificate so I can go put the right name on my license, get the criminal record check done in that name, and within a week, I should be ready to do some subbing... hopefully I get going with it pretty quickly :)

I also have been getting a few shifts waiting tables in PHK. I'm only away from the girls a few evenings a week and Liam is a pro at getting them both to bed now :) The job is not terribly exciting, but I like it and it's keeping the bills paid while we wait for Liam's parental leave cheques to start coming.

On that topic, I would just like to point out the irony in the name "Service Canada". I've never had to deal with a more inept and generally useless group of people. That's all I'm going to say.

Alright, 2nd thing: I am going to try to blog everyday for a few days. I'm thinking 7 to call it an even week and see how it goes. Each post will have a topic that I'm going to try to stick to rather than rambling aimlessly...

Watch for it.....