Day Two, Topic Two: Trying

A year or so ago, my lovely sister Jackie told me about a study she had read that determined that the most successful people were not those whose parents had praised them for being beautiful, nor those whose parents had praised them for being smart. They weren't the ones whose parents had not praised them either. Instead, in general, the most successful people were those whose parents praised them for trying.

I know nothing about the actual study, or whether or not it actually has any merit from a scientific standpoint, but from a mom's point of view, this actually made sense. We can tell our children how wonderful they are until we're blue in the face, but if they don't take pride in the attempts, even the ones that ultimately end in "failure", we could be setting them up to be afraid to try for fear of not being perfect.

On the other hand, parents who never praise their children are likely going to set their children up to think "why bother"...

But if we tell them how proud we are when they try, then the end result is only a bonus, it's the attempt that matters.

So, over the past year, as Micaela has transitioned from a 2 to a 3 year old, I have tried to keep this in mind. Obviously, there are times I comment on her beauty, her humor, or her intelligence, but when I do, I usually try to remember to comment on how hard she tries at the things she does.

Lately, I've noticed the effect this is making.

The first thing I noticed, a few months back, is that Micaela, who typically chooses a few favorite meals and snacks and sticks with them for what seems like forever, began to be willing to try foods. One day, I said something to the effect of "I won't put any peppers on your plate because I know you don't like them" to which she replied, "I will try them, Mama". And she did. She still didn't like them, but she gave it a shot. Meals have become immensely easier because she will try everything on her plate, and she usually finds that she likes more than she expected.

Another thing we've dealt with over the past year is whining. My LAND that child can whine! I have tried EVERYTHING to stop the madness! But a week or two ago, I hit the right button! Micaela came to me, whining about something in a voice that only dogs could hear and I responded "You walk back there, turn around, and try that again". And she did, she came back and the whining stopped. For some reason, asking her to try again changed her whole demeanor. I now use this tactic every time she whines and every time, she gets a fresh start and it sounds BEAUTIFUL!

I don't know about the future, or how exactly one measures success in life, but if being proud of her for trying is all I have to do to make her open to both success and failure, and allows her to be able to take risks without worrying she might not succeed, that's a pretty easy task on my part.